Recognizing this cycle is key to understanding abusive relationships.
Awareness is the first step toward recovery and independence.
Verywell / Michela Buttignol
What Is the Cycle of Abuse?
Verywell / Michela Buttignol
This pattern helps explain why victims might stay in these harmful relationships, even though they are being hurt.
This growing anxiety and fear set the stage for the abusive incident that often follows.
Incident
Built-up tension is released.
The abuser engages in harmful behaviors to regain a sense of power and control.
They may act out violently or emotionally, triggered by external stressorsnot the victim’s actions.
The abuse is usually unpredictable and explosive, and it may be difficult for the victim to avoid.
They may attempt to protect themself, hit back defensively, or run away and seek help.
Unfortunately, in most abusive relationships, the abuse becomes more frequent and severe over time.
During this stage, the victim may feel a surge of emotional connection due to the abusers affectionate behavior.
However, this phase is often short-lived, and the cycle of abuse starts again.
Calm
Tension fully dissipates into a temporary sense of peace.
This can lead the victim to feel reassured and hopeful that things are improving.
As children grow up, they may repeat these behaviors in their own relationships.
However, its important to remember that this is just a theory, not a hard and fast rule.
Abuse may be sudden, unpredictable, or vary greatly from one relationship to another.
Are You Being Abused?
Abuse often starts subtly before becoming more harmful over time.
If youre feeling unsafe, manipulated, or controlled, you may be experiencing abuse.
Breaking the Cycle
Breaking the cycle of abuse starts with recognizing it.
It’s important to understand that these calm phases are manipulative tactics used to regain control over the victim.
If you are in immediate danger, dont hesitate to call 911.
You are not alonethere are people ready to help.
Recognizing these stages is the first step toward breaking the cycle.
Remember, while the cycle is a useful framework, abuse manifests in many forms.
Seek professional help for support and guidance.
2023 Jan;14(1):2161038. doi:10.1080/20008066.2022.2161038
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Kendall County Womens Shelter.10 Realities of domestic abuse.
Stepping Stones Crisis Society.The cycle of abuse: How violence becomes reoccurring.
2024 Jan;14(1):37. doi:10.3390/bs14010037
