You like them, but they’ve made it very clearalmost too clearthat they like you.
They’re already talking about introducing you to their family.
They’re showering you with gifts.
They might even be starting to say “I love you.”
And this relationship dynamic has been buzzing on social media lately.
The problem with love bombing, Steele added, is that it doesn’t leave time for that development.
Rather,it’s a projection of a bond that doesn’t yet exist.
And it’s not always an innocent projection.
The desire to manipulate others can be a sign of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
There’s no standard treatment for NPD, but it is often diagnosed alongside other disorders such as depression.
“Many people who love bomb are narcissists who are looking to control their victim,” Huynh said.
Then, they will start to take control once they know there is an attachment.
But it’s important to remember that not all people who love bomb have NPD, Steele said.
Sometimes love bombing comes from a place of unresolved pain and conflict.
Ourattachment stylewhich describes behavior patterns in relationshipsand how conscious we are of it, can drive us.
But once the partner reciprocates, they may feel overwhelmed by the closeness.
In this way, the love bomber has ghosted the relationship before it even got a chance to start.
So How Do You Know It’s Love Bombing?
Identifying love bombing can be just as important as identifying what isn’t love bombing.
It might look like declaring love very early on in the relationship.
What might follow is an about-face change in personality or level of attention.
Huynh’s heard various love bombing stories from clients.
Does this person go back and forth?
Do they switch from over-the-top love to pushing you away?
“Dysfunctional love bombing comes from a ‘me first’ mentality.”
For example, is this relationship a way to improve self-esteem?
Or to feel that you’re worthy of something?
Either way, she added, it often serves a self-centered purpose.
It’s hard to know how you really feel about this person so soon in a relationship.
Defusing the Situation
Much of what happens in relationships can be subconscious, according to the experts.
And even when we do start to become more aware of our actions, many struggle with changing behaviors.
After all, the ways we behave in relationships are influenced by our early experiences.
“A dysfunctional love bomber willgaslightyou and make it your problem.”
In that situation, it might be best to simply walk away.
Steele also encourages acknowledging your own reaction to a love bomb.
“It’s hard to turn away a tsunami of attention.”
It might also help to find role models in people who have healthy relationships.
“We don’t learn it in schoolall we know is what we see around us.
So find a good role model and learn from them.”
As another rule of thumb, she added, let loved ones in on your relationship.
They can help you identify patterns from the outside.
“This is advice for anyone who is dating,” Huynh added.
Let themearn your trustover time."
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Mitra P, Fluyau D.Narcissistic personality disorder.
Updated May 18, 2021.
Fraley RC, Roisman GI.The development of adult attachment styles: Four lessons.Current Opinion in Psychology.2019;25:2630. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2018.02.008
