Dating with herpes can come with a lot of worry.
Herpes Is Common
Herpes is extremely common.
attempt to keep in mind that people dont necessarily date just to find someone to have sex with.
Illustration by Zoe Hansen for Verywell Health
If youre dating someone, chances are they like you and enjoy spending time with you.
The Right Person Won’t Reject You
Some peoplewillreject you when they find out you have herpes.
Here are a few tips to keep in mind when youre getting ready to have that conversation.
Be Upfront
You should tell your herpes diagnosis to a partnerbefore you have sex.
They might be concerned that you would hide things from them or keep other important secrets.
The where for the conversation is another important factor to think about.
Ideally, it should be somewhere you might both feel comfortable and relaxed.
Before we do, I wanted to let you know that I have genital herpes.
Still, its not zero.
So, I wanted you to have a chance to think about it before we get intimate.
You dont need to respond right now.
Whenand ifyoure ready, Im happy to talk with you more or to just send you some information.
Do You Have to Disclose a Herpes Diagnosis?
In some states, you are not legally required to tell someone you have herpes.
In fact, being proactive can help you feel more prepared to date with herpes.
Consider Treatment
There are treatments that can reduce the likelihood you will spread herpes during sex.
It can help you understand how your partner might be feeling.
In the past, you may have dated someone who had herpes and didnt know.
Its also possible that they knew and chose not to tell you.
When you communicate your choice to them, do so with kindness.
Its your choice whether you want to keep dating someone after learning of their herpes diagnosis.
Dating someone who knows theyre infected at least gives you the option of intentionally managing your risk.
Summary
Dating with herpes means communicating openly and honestly with your partners.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.State Statutes Explicitly Related to Sexually Transmitted Diseases in the United States, 2013.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Genital herpes.
