First of all, you must be an awesome person to be willing to take that on.

Allow me to thank you on behalf of everyone with these illnesses.

Because it can go well, and you both deserve it, too.

Lesbian couple in coffee shop

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Understanding the Illness

You probably don’t know a lot about these conditions.

Don’t feel badmost people don’t.

The biggest thing is understanding this next statement completely and never forgetting it.

Fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome are unpredictable.

We can be up and active one day, only to be bedridden then next.

We don’t do this intentionally, and believe me, we wish it didn’t happen.

To be with us, you gotta be patient and understanding.

Our bodies take pain signals and boost them, like cranking up the volume.

We can also have pain from things that shouldn’t hurt.

A hand resting on an arm.

The weight of clothing.

Something cold against the skin.

They can cause searing pain in us, and it’s absolutely real.

(That’s confirmed by brain scans in which the pain centers light up like crazy.)

The pain is coming from amped-up nerves and a nervous system that’s in overdrive at all times.

Because nerves travel all through the body, so can our pain.

So it’s not like someone who has a bad back or pain from an old knee injury.

We may have stabbing pain in our abdomen one moment and burning sensations in our legs the next.

Fatigue and Unrefreshing Sleep

Now for fatigue.

You might think you understand this one, as well.

Everyone’s been really tired before, right?

Or maybe you’ve had mono or a nasty flu.

Think about those times when youve been flat-out exhausted.

Have you ever felt too tired to even lift your head off the bed?

That’s what people with ME/CFS can feel like.

FMS typically involves less fatigue than ME/CFS, but it can still be profound and persistent.

And it doesn’t go away with rest.

That’s a big one to wrap your head around: rest doesn’t help.

We might sleep for twelve hours and wake up exhausted.

Sleep is rarely refreshing for us.

Many of us also have sleep disorders, such as insomnia,restless legs syndrome, or sleep apnea.

Brain fog can be mild or severe and tends to come and go.

It’s not a sign of low intelligence or learning disorders.

It’s also not tied to dementia, even though sometimes it might seem similar.

The best way to handle this is with patience.

Give the person time to find the right words or gently suggest one if it seems obvious.

When (not if) they forget something, calmly remind them.

In fibromyalgia, exercise has a similar but generally less intense impact.

Aerobic exercise has been shown to reduce pain and other symptoms, and therefore is recommended for both conditions.

However, in some people, it can take very little exertion to trigger PEM.

And yes, this does include sex.

With care, someone with these conditions may still be able to have a fulfilling sex life.

But every relationship has challenges, and you have the benefit of going in with your eyes open.

Many people with chronic illness have healthy, happy relationships.

Patience, understanding, and compassion will help things get off to a good start.

Best of luck to you!